Where greed spins, and wisdom profits.
Featuring one girl, one goblin, and zero musical talent.
A reworking of the classic tale by the Brothers Grimm.
The miller was proud of his clever daughter.
So proud, in fact, that when the king passed by, he boasted:
“My daughter can spin straw into gold.”
The king’s eyes gleamed. With greed. He dragged the maiden to a locked chamber piled high with straw.
“All of this must be spun into gold by morning,” he said. “Or you die.”
The maiden sat down and cried.
Then—creak—a strange little hobgoblin shuffled through the door.
“Need some gold? Don’t despair,
Goblin magic’s always fair.
Pay in trinkets, jewels, or shoes,
Goblin spins and you can snooze.”
“I’ll give you my necklace,” said the girl.
The goblin clapped his hands, sat at the wheel, and sang as he worked:
“Straw to shine, hay to gold,
Goblin fingers never cold.
Spin it fast, don’t ask why,
Pay the goblin or you’ll cry.”
By morning, the straw had become glittering gold.
The king was astonished. His greed swelled.
He locked her in another room, even bigger, and demanded the same.
The maiden sat quietly and sighed.
She heard a familiar creak.
The goblin appeared, licking jam from his sleeve.
“Round and round, the wheel does go,
Goblin profits always grow.
Pay me rings or pay me pearls,
Goblin songs are for the girls.”
“Very well,” she said. “Take the ring, and spare me the song.”
He set to work, humming:
“Round and round, the wheel does sing,
Pay the goblin with a ring.
Gold for kings and girls in fear,
Goblin jingles in your ear.”
The next morning, the gold gleamed higher than the rafters.
The rhymes were better in his head.
But the king was insatiable. He locked her in a third room, the largest yet.
“All this straw must be spun tonight,” he said, “and then you shall be my queen.”
The girl collapsed in despair.
The goblin crept in, licking candlewax off his fingers.
“Another order? I’ll need a bigger fee.”
“I have nothing left to give,” she sobbed.
The goblin tapped his chin, then broke into a sing-song:
“Spin for crowns, spin for gold,
Goblin’s deals are bought and sold.
Rings and jewels are fine, maybe…
Or promise me your first baby.”
“Wait,” said the girl, narrowing her eyes.
“You’re demanding babies now? That’s not legal tender. What’s wrong with you?”
“Well… I was going to sing it goblin songs,” he mumbled.
He cleared his throat and chanted:
“Sleepy eyes, tiny nose,
Goblin rocks while cradle goes.
Golden curls and baby’s breath,
Goblin guards you until death.”
“Uh-huh,” she said. “That’s creepy.”
“Or,” said the goblin, brightening, “you don’t have to give me a baby—if you can guess my name!”
“Your name is Rumpelstiltskin,” she said. “It’s embroidered on your hat.”
He froze, eyes darting upward as if he might see it.
“Ah,” he said softly. “Forgot about that.”
She crossed her arms. “Anyway, who says I want to marry the king? He’s locked me up three times and keeps threatening to kill me. That’s not what I’d call a stable relationship.”
The goblin scratched his head. “Fair point. He only likes you because of me anyway.”
“Exactly,” said the maiden. She dipped her quill in ink, pulled out parchment, and wrote quickly.
“Look, you’re terrible at deals. But you’ve got the goods, and I’ve got the brains. Let’s start a business.”
The goblin grinned.
“Now you’re talking.”
The next morning, the king strutted in. “Excellent! You’ve done it again. You will now be my queen.”
“Actually,” said the maiden, “I’ve had a better offer.”
She clapped her hands.
The doors burst open. Guards rushed in—her guards now, bought and paid for.
Hammers glinted in their hands.
“Shall we just do the kneecaps?” one asked.
“And a few teeth,” ordered the maiden.
The king howled as the hammers swung.
She walked past his writhing body and slipped a pristine gold-edged business card into his palm.
The Spinning Goblin™
One part goblin. One part genius. All gold.
(Includes free songs)
The goblin poked his head back in, cheerfully singing:
“Hay today, gold tomorrow,
Spin away your pain and sorrow.
Kneecaps crack and crowns will fall,
The Spinning Goblin serves you all!”
The maiden smiled.
Boots steady on the stone, she and the goblin walked out together.
Rain pattered the palace flags like applause for someone else’s play.
Davide la Locomotive 
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